Galactic Empire Responds to United States’ Refusal to Build Death Star

Great job, President Obama! Now you’ve done it. You’ve gone and shown Emperor Palpatine and his cronies what a big planet of mamby-pambies we are by refusing to entertain the notion of building our own Death Star.

In a press release posted on, Governor Wilhuf Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories was quoted as saying: “It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire. Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine.”

Admiral Conan Motti also cautioned Americans against perceived weaknesses in the Death Star space station: “Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture.”


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